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Elaine Chan's blog.
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And I'll try to be honest.


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Monday, February 13, 2012
what You see vs what I see

You saw Joseph as the most powerful man in Egypt (bar the Pharaoh) when he was locked up in jail accused of something he did not do. You called David the King of Israel when he was the youngest child of the family, tending to sheep far away from the power center. You named Peter the Rock, the very solid foundation upon which Jesus' teachings would spread world wide, when he was a fumbling hot-tempered fisherman.

I can't see myself as anything more but the very humble position I am at the marketplace -- at the end of the pecking order. I struggle to see myself as a leader. I struggle to see the money in my account grow; I see instead my mounting burdens. 

Yet, Lord, you call me blessed and loved. Favored and crowned together with you. Help me to see what you see. You have looked into Your plans for me and You said it is good -- I want to hold on to that.

Thursday, December 1, 2011
a perfect november

Big cowardly dog with a shaggy coat. A birthday surprise. Making plans. Walking a mile and more in someone else's shoes. Lifting my hands up in worship. A getaway in a so very Chinese city. Gazing adoringly at expensive make up and conspiring to buy them when we get paid. Karaoke hen night. Speaking out the truths hidden in God's Word. Cruising along the highway eyes shiny with happy tears. Long lunches catching up over noodles and kimchi.Twirling around in my new black dress. Falling asleep in taxi rides knowing I'll always get home safely no matter how inebriated I am. Telling each other funny childhood stories. Bubble baths. Experiencing the power of prayer. Being thankful day by day. Quiet moments; peaceful silence.

Everything I loved about November.

Monday, October 10, 2011
above all else, keep thy heart

I've heard it's been said, and I believe -- that if it matters to you, it matters to God. Even if you think it's a silly and inconsequential thing, like an ulcer, God cares even more because He holds your entire world.

I always always genuinely believed that.

Sadly, my behavior and actions don't always show that I believe He cares.

It took hours of listening to Pastor Prince's messages and nights sobbing into my pillow to make me realize: this just cannot be it. Am I not told I am living a life of triumph; that I'm more than a conqueror because I believe in a love that has victory over every pain; every sickness; every disaster; every principality and power?

Why do I still walk like I'm defeated?

Slowly, it began to make sense -- because I refuse to let my heart be untroubled. I let petty and unreasonable thoughts fester in my mind; take seed in my heart and grow. I try to guard everything else in my life and fight like a wounded animal. Everything: job, relationship, friendships... Everything except my heart. I let it grow embittered.

Slowly, I am seeing what has been the missing key. As much as I believe and want to take hold of the immense promises of abundant life, I cannot. Because I did not guard my heart. That was the only condition for the peace Jesus promised, that Shalom, to enter my life.

I believe this: When I guard my heart with diligence and i disallow it to fret and come up with deceitful lies, God guards everything else in my life and makes everything good in His time.

Sunday, September 11, 2011
less is more

When it comes to sartorial choices, I've always liked many many options. My wardrobe is bursting and I've shoes which I've only worn once. But recently, I read about this lady who is on a fast from fashion. It got me thinking -- maybe all I need are a few staples/basics and a whole lot of good taste. And also cut down on buying accessories which never see the daylight or moonshine :) This consumerist culture is seriously quite damaging on my wallet, especially when I want to save so much more now. So maybe, my pledge when I'm 25 is to pare everything down to a few items of excellent quality. In other words, stop buying crappy things.

Such an inspiring thought! Except I'm going to Bangkok in November. EEKS!

Monday, August 29, 2011
there is hope!

I'm 24 and I've voted twice!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

These days, I'm frankly bothered by how the people I actually appreciate meeting and catching up with, has shrunk. I'm too old for flakes; for haters; for people who are obviously more caught up with their own lives; for people who think others taking initiative and saving-a-spot-for-them as their birthright (and still have the cheek to complain that you are never around and you "disappeared"). The way I see it: you can never keep everyone who was once meaningful to you in your life forever, so you keep the ones where the connection is real and has withstood many ups and downs.

This doesn't stop me from feeling sad though.

Sunday, August 7, 2011
my heart is a dancefloor beating like a disco drum

If I lived in the '60s, I would say with a sigh "I miss my a-go-go days".