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Elaine Chan's blog.
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Let's hear it

Tuesday, July 14, 2009 I really ought to go to bed soon but some thoughts first...

Last night I was annoyed yet again with recent sufferer of H1N1 (Sorry for euphemisms but this is after all a public blog). Was sharing with the girls on Saturday that insincerity and disloyalty are my pet peeves. Like it gets to me EVERYTIME. I can outdo a sailor if I so much as feel slighted by someone I deemed important or once important. But I also shared about forgiveness. The parallels between Christ's death, Stephen's martyrdom and Saul's eventual conversion.

The grace that once experienced, doesn't recede, but overflows.

I felt so ready to forgive; so ready to be liberated completely. Then the conversation happened. It wasn't terrible but I was rolling my eyes and being bitchy. So have I really forgiven? The sting's gone but does forgiving mean that I tolerate every inane and self-absorbed conversation we have without combusting(so few I can count them on my one hand). What I think now is that it's a state of being. Less on the inevitably uncomfortable small talks; more on the belief that there is a renewed perception of the other. Less focus on how I may/may not have forgiven; more on how it's been a blessed release for both of us. The day I stop questioning if I have reached that state of being is gonna be an Alleluia day!

USA in 3 days. Goodnight world.